I think this is also why it’s hard to explain why you got lucky after the fact. Maybe the cousin of your friend from Pilates put in a good word for you because he’d heard you were cool. Or maybe someone read your blog post and liked you. Or maybe you seemed confident in the interview because you’re used to talking to new people about your ideas because you do it on a regular basis. You might never know.
> I’ll be running a few excerpts here in the coming months, in hopes of getting feedback on the kinds of content people are excited to see in the book (which is a signal about what to expand or scale back). Let me know what you think!
I think you should test as many excerpts as possible so our feedback is as comprehensive as possible. ;)
Is it not exhausting to meet 1-2 interesting strangers per day? Am I experiencing the typical mind fallacy here, and expecting things that tire me out to also tire other people out? I don't think I could keep that up for more than a week or two without burning up all my reserves for social interaction.
And so I don't sound like a naysaying Debbie Downer: I'm going to think more about approaching interactions with strangers from a position of curiosity and nonjudgment, and actively not trying to determine in advance if/how a person or conversation might benefit me or wate my time. I've been working to adjust my mindset and attitudes to make it easier to overcome shyness and detach from fear of negative outcomes.
In my experience, these things go hand-in-hand: it is less exhausting to meet with people when you're not as stressed about outcomes. The less you can be outcome-oriented, the easier it is for interaction to feel like play, or just neutral.
I did find it exhausting at first! Over the last few years I've gotten much better at it through repetition, and it's gotten easier because each convo feels less stakes-y, like I'm less concerned with proving myself (to myself!) as a person worth having a conversation with
Well, this sounds like a reason for me to be optimistic that I can get better at this. It's been a slow process so far, but there's still progress to be made.
Start at a level that feels easy, and slowly increase the difficulty.
Maybe this means meeting one person per week.
If that feels easy, try two people next week.
Repeat until you're at a manageable volume that doesn't leave you feeling stretched.
You might find a good volume to maintain, stick with it for some time, then later find that it's starting to feel a little too easy and you may wish to add another person.
As a fellow introvert, I find meeting 6 interesting strangers 1-2 times a week far better than meeting 1-2 of them a day. Social battery drain is a real thing! Can't say I got to this level, or that I even need to - I already enjoy my social circle and if anything I sometimes struggle to have enough time to myself. It's 100% a great strategy if you're looking for a mate, though.
One related point that took me too long to realize is the importance of travel in increasing luck surface area. Early in my career, mainly under the influence of certain mentors I respected greatly and under the influence of Cal Newport deep work ideas, I thought travel to conferences was largely a distraction. What mattered was keeping your head down and making deliberate progress on your project. I later realized this was a mistake. It prevented me from getting feedback on my work, on understanding the important issues of the day, and from building connections in my field. Those conversations that happen informally at a conference can really open you up to new ways of thinking, and you’re missing out if you don’t travel and participate in such events.
"One distinguishing feature I’ve noticed among people who are unusually successful is that they just try a lot of stuff — socially, intellectually, professionally. It’s the rate of experimentation, the number of shots on goal, that provides the magic, not the percentage of successes, which might be very low at first."
Totally.
Something that I heard long ago that really resonated with me:
Your successes add up. Your failures don't.
THIS TOO IS GOOD ADVICE:
"Talking to people without an end in mind other than satisfying your own curiosity is the slow way that is the fast way."
I love the phrase "the slow way that is the fast way."
It evokes for me this quote that I know from the world of A Course In Miracles, "Infinite patience produces immediate results."
VERY MEANINGFUL ALSO:
"Give before you take... act with generosity towards others before you know whether it will be reciprocated."
Also, it feels good to give.
I've heard it said "When one teaches, two learn."
And similarly, when one gives, two receive.
So, even if folks NEVER reciprocate (which is unlikely), when we give something to someone else, we're also giving it to ourselves.
(Especially if it's something like attention, time, love, knowledge, etc.)
This is an absolutely incredible post. The only thing I would add is that what comes next is prioritization. You have to optimize for what's working. The more success you have, the more expensive your time is.
When I resigned from my well-paid job without knowing what I’d do next, I started hosting events and told people I did it to “increase my surface area for luck”.
It actually worked and generated a new career for me. Thanks Cate for making the definitive case for this way of moving through the world. And thanks for the bagel brunch idea. :)
Was listening to your interview with Patrick yesterday and I am still thinking about that monumental undertaking, of developing a FDA-approved drug in 3 months, just because, who says it is not possible. If listening to people talk about high agency is that effective(on me), I wonder what it would feel like to be breathing Agency all day.
Could Agency be like a gas that expands in the presence of more agency, and slowly die otherwise? The answer is yes
Yes yes yes! My life began to change immeasurably when I did exactly this. I started asking interesting people for coffee and doing random courses (improv! service design jams!) when I was looking to change career, and found my dream job. When I look back at it, I could not possibly have engineered that opportunity. I could see the momentum so I kept going - and it's led to wonderful collaborations, clients and friends. Hard recommend.
I think this is also why it’s hard to explain why you got lucky after the fact. Maybe the cousin of your friend from Pilates put in a good word for you because he’d heard you were cool. Or maybe someone read your blog post and liked you. Or maybe you seemed confident in the interview because you’re used to talking to new people about your ideas because you do it on a regular basis. You might never know.
> I’ll be running a few excerpts here in the coming months, in hopes of getting feedback on the kinds of content people are excited to see in the book (which is a signal about what to expand or scale back). Let me know what you think!
I think you should test as many excerpts as possible so our feedback is as comprehensive as possible. ;)
Is it not exhausting to meet 1-2 interesting strangers per day? Am I experiencing the typical mind fallacy here, and expecting things that tire me out to also tire other people out? I don't think I could keep that up for more than a week or two without burning up all my reserves for social interaction.
And so I don't sound like a naysaying Debbie Downer: I'm going to think more about approaching interactions with strangers from a position of curiosity and nonjudgment, and actively not trying to determine in advance if/how a person or conversation might benefit me or wate my time. I've been working to adjust my mindset and attitudes to make it easier to overcome shyness and detach from fear of negative outcomes.
In my experience, these things go hand-in-hand: it is less exhausting to meet with people when you're not as stressed about outcomes. The less you can be outcome-oriented, the easier it is for interaction to feel like play, or just neutral.
I did find it exhausting at first! Over the last few years I've gotten much better at it through repetition, and it's gotten easier because each convo feels less stakes-y, like I'm less concerned with proving myself (to myself!) as a person worth having a conversation with
Well, this sounds like a reason for me to be optimistic that I can get better at this. It's been a slow process so far, but there's still progress to be made.
Start at a level that feels easy, and slowly increase the difficulty.
Maybe this means meeting one person per week.
If that feels easy, try two people next week.
Repeat until you're at a manageable volume that doesn't leave you feeling stretched.
You might find a good volume to maintain, stick with it for some time, then later find that it's starting to feel a little too easy and you may wish to add another person.
If anything it feels like I got _worse_ at it with age. Maybe you just put up with less social discomfort as you figure out what you like.
As a fellow introvert, I find meeting 6 interesting strangers 1-2 times a week far better than meeting 1-2 of them a day. Social battery drain is a real thing! Can't say I got to this level, or that I even need to - I already enjoy my social circle and if anything I sometimes struggle to have enough time to myself. It's 100% a great strategy if you're looking for a mate, though.
One related point that took me too long to realize is the importance of travel in increasing luck surface area. Early in my career, mainly under the influence of certain mentors I respected greatly and under the influence of Cal Newport deep work ideas, I thought travel to conferences was largely a distraction. What mattered was keeping your head down and making deliberate progress on your project. I later realized this was a mistake. It prevented me from getting feedback on my work, on understanding the important issues of the day, and from building connections in my field. Those conversations that happen informally at a conference can really open you up to new ways of thinking, and you’re missing out if you don’t travel and participate in such events.
yeah conferences are unfortunately serendipity machines
Unfortunate because they’re a pain to get to and can be a pain to be at?
yes, exactly. they are wayyyy too dense with interaction for my personal comfort level.
Dear Cate,
Another great piece!
VALUABLE INTEL HERE:
"One distinguishing feature I’ve noticed among people who are unusually successful is that they just try a lot of stuff — socially, intellectually, professionally. It’s the rate of experimentation, the number of shots on goal, that provides the magic, not the percentage of successes, which might be very low at first."
Totally.
Something that I heard long ago that really resonated with me:
Your successes add up. Your failures don't.
THIS TOO IS GOOD ADVICE:
"Talking to people without an end in mind other than satisfying your own curiosity is the slow way that is the fast way."
I love the phrase "the slow way that is the fast way."
It evokes for me this quote that I know from the world of A Course In Miracles, "Infinite patience produces immediate results."
VERY MEANINGFUL ALSO:
"Give before you take... act with generosity towards others before you know whether it will be reciprocated."
Also, it feels good to give.
I've heard it said "When one teaches, two learn."
And similarly, when one gives, two receive.
So, even if folks NEVER reciprocate (which is unlikely), when we give something to someone else, we're also giving it to ourselves.
(Especially if it's something like attention, time, love, knowledge, etc.)
Thank you for sharing all of this, Cate!
Love
Myq
serendipity very rarely graces us in solitude
This is an absolutely incredible post. The only thing I would add is that what comes next is prioritization. You have to optimize for what's working. The more success you have, the more expensive your time is.
thank you, Max!
You've probably seen it, but this is the best thing I've ever read on luck: https://pmarchive.com/luck_and_the_entrepreneur.html
oh, i have not! thanks for pointing me to it
Thanks for sharing !
genuinely the first time i read a substack article without anxiously glancing at how much left i need to scroll. this is soooooo gewd
❤️❤️❤️
Since you're going to publish this in a book, here's a typo:
> or they stay in a relatively contained peer group for a long time time without mixing it up.
"Time" once too many
(I enjoyed the piece - it's how I'm approaching trying to recover from my disease. Trying many meds as long as they have a reasonable safety profile.)
thanks for pointing it out :)
Podcasting has helped me increase my surface area for luck!
I love how you talked about the importance of meeting new people to further increase this, thanks!
Excited for your book!
thanks, David!
This came just in time as I am in the process of building a network and am currently in my period of lostness. Thank you for writing this!
Cate I want to let you know that this article is life transforming for anyone looking stuck in their life. Will share it to others. Thank you!
When I resigned from my well-paid job without knowing what I’d do next, I started hosting events and told people I did it to “increase my surface area for luck”.
It actually worked and generated a new career for me. Thanks Cate for making the definitive case for this way of moving through the world. And thanks for the bagel brunch idea. :)
Was listening to your interview with Patrick yesterday and I am still thinking about that monumental undertaking, of developing a FDA-approved drug in 3 months, just because, who says it is not possible. If listening to people talk about high agency is that effective(on me), I wonder what it would feel like to be breathing Agency all day.
Could Agency be like a gas that expands in the presence of more agency, and slowly die otherwise? The answer is yes
oh, to be clear, we did not get our drug approved by the FDA! we ran a phase 1 on it and then decided not to pursue it further.
Yes yes yes! My life began to change immeasurably when I did exactly this. I started asking interesting people for coffee and doing random courses (improv! service design jams!) when I was looking to change career, and found my dream job. When I look back at it, I could not possibly have engineered that opportunity. I could see the momentum so I kept going - and it's led to wonderful collaborations, clients and friends. Hard recommend.