Calling out that people who call out issues “kind of suck” is essential, thank you! It would be really easy to use an essay like this be blunt rather than intentional. And the effort required to correctly name the issue is emphasized in *Crucial Accountability*, which is aimed a bit more at managers, and reinforces your point.
hahaha. this makes me wonder if there are any movies where everyone skilfully communicates and the drama comes from having to deal with a genuinely difficult external situation, hmm, I suppose most action movies are like this. i'd be interested in films where this happens in the context of pure drama
100%- I've found this even in conflict with my family and husband. Sometimes, just saying the thing is what's needed to solve the problem rather than waiting for the solution to strike you and then talking about the thing. Thank you for sharing!
"Have you ever noticed just how much of the drama in movies is generated by an unspoken rule that the characters aren’t allowed to communicate well?"
(Just wanted to communicate that to you as well as I could.)
And these:
"Functional people don’t let things linger unspoken — they name what’s facing them out loud.
It sounds like such a simple thing. And yet, so many of us don’t do it."
"Naming the issue means you can interact with it."
Thank you for naming this!
And I love the way you put this, about real life situations:
"To locate the possibility of going deeper, it can be helpful to take the movie metaphor literally — if you were an audience member watching the movie, what would you be screaming at yourself to say"
And this:
"If you feel you can’t name the problem, say that"
This is very funny:
"Yes, we are psychic, but we are also stupid."
Really meaningful, really thoughtful, really fun, really important piece.
I feel like pushing myself to have these tough conversations or even at least acknowledging these moments to myself helped me hone my intuition. I realized a lot of those “hmm something feels off” feelings for me were right and that gave me more confidence to act in the future
This is also true collectively. To break away from narrative control someone needs to point out the kayfabe and more need to help vet it against reality. Big Creation startup, ai prompt "explain" (Antifragile Optimism "AO" genesis knowledge base v0 6/18/2025 11am) https://g.co/gemini/share/487f56b73d02. Available
This is quite useful assuming both parties are on the same side, or should be, as in a healthy relationship.
However, in a work environment, you also may not trust the other person not to use such directness against you, as by spreading rumors that you are trying to make them look bad or something. This could easily provide information to a potential adversary if you have identified a problem they can blame on you or otherwise shift blame to you for. In a strongly left-leaning organization such as academia or in the arts, if they have more left-coded 'identities' than you, they could accuse you of prejudice against them. (Conversely in a right-leaning organization, the reverse might be the case if you have more marginalized identities, but I have less direct experience with this.)
Calling out that people who call out issues “kind of suck” is essential, thank you! It would be really easy to use an essay like this be blunt rather than intentional. And the effort required to correctly name the issue is emphasized in *Crucial Accountability*, which is aimed a bit more at managers, and reinforces your point.
This is also bad writing in movies, IMO!
I'm with you!
hahaha. this makes me wonder if there are any movies where everyone skilfully communicates and the drama comes from having to deal with a genuinely difficult external situation, hmm, I suppose most action movies are like this. i'd be interested in films where this happens in the context of pure drama
100%- I've found this even in conflict with my family and husband. Sometimes, just saying the thing is what's needed to solve the problem rather than waiting for the solution to strike you and then talking about the thing. Thank you for sharing!
Dear Cate,
Excellent piece!
Love this opening line so much:
"Have you ever noticed just how much of the drama in movies is generated by an unspoken rule that the characters aren’t allowed to communicate well?"
(Just wanted to communicate that to you as well as I could.)
And these:
"Functional people don’t let things linger unspoken — they name what’s facing them out loud.
It sounds like such a simple thing. And yet, so many of us don’t do it."
"Naming the issue means you can interact with it."
Thank you for naming this!
And I love the way you put this, about real life situations:
"To locate the possibility of going deeper, it can be helpful to take the movie metaphor literally — if you were an audience member watching the movie, what would you be screaming at yourself to say"
And this:
"If you feel you can’t name the problem, say that"
This is very funny:
"Yes, we are psychic, but we are also stupid."
Really meaningful, really thoughtful, really fun, really important piece.
Thank you for sharing!
Love
Myq
I feel like pushing myself to have these tough conversations or even at least acknowledging these moments to myself helped me hone my intuition. I realized a lot of those “hmm something feels off” feelings for me were right and that gave me more confidence to act in the future
Wow this has been so useful. Thank you. I will be more open to naming issues.
This is also true collectively. To break away from narrative control someone needs to point out the kayfabe and more need to help vet it against reality. Big Creation startup, ai prompt "explain" (Antifragile Optimism "AO" genesis knowledge base v0 6/18/2025 11am) https://g.co/gemini/share/487f56b73d02. Available
This is quite useful assuming both parties are on the same side, or should be, as in a healthy relationship.
However, in a work environment, you also may not trust the other person not to use such directness against you, as by spreading rumors that you are trying to make them look bad or something. This could easily provide information to a potential adversary if you have identified a problem they can blame on you or otherwise shift blame to you for. In a strongly left-leaning organization such as academia or in the arts, if they have more left-coded 'identities' than you, they could accuse you of prejudice against them. (Conversely in a right-leaning organization, the reverse might be the case if you have more marginalized identities, but I have less direct experience with this.)