This reminds me of "wake up and live" by Dorothea Brande. To spoil it, the core thrust is "act as if it's impossible to fail". As she describes at length, it's surprisingly effective. I read the book up until she drops that and then stopped reading 😅 in part cause I was reading as procrastination and then stopped reading and started working
For me, it makes my mind immediately go "erm actually it's very possible to fail for reasons x, y, z". But then I think "well if it was impossible to fail I would have to solve or dodge x/y/z" and it gets me brainstorming on how to do that if it's complicated. Or if x is something like "i could fail if I just don't start typing right now", it somehow breaks me out of the funk of knowing what to do but not knowing how to start. I think it might reframe it from "typing right now seems lame and boring and I'd rather do a, b, or c" to "not typing is making me fail, so I'd rather get started"
A big reason I don't pursue all of the possible options is that I am afraid of the moment when I'll bump into a true rejection, failure, or shortcoming. As a writer with a very small audience, I have a hard time doing some of the things that would potentially expand my audience because - on some level - I know that my work also has to improve. I can't just write a bunch of notes or share my posts to Facebook. I also have to actually become a better writer.
"Melvin" is to protect from this experience: https://www.instagram.com/p/BTJ2bkRA1hq/ , the meme where the pink blob tries to leave their box, gets punched, and goes back in their box to vow "Never again".
Have that happen to you enough, then Melvin starts to seem *real* attractive. "Safety without getting punched" seems better to them than just a *chance* that they might wildly succeed. True you won't ever wildly succeed if you take no chances. But the near-guarantee of getting punched hurts them a lot.
Love this. Funny enough, Melvin seems to be disproportionately rewarded in the corporate world, at least in my sector. The boxes being ticked and the protocol being followed is the most important thing, effective or not (and oftentimes, they're not). Not to blame the corporate world; I get why it's like this, but whether it should is a different story.
"Take it on faith that the world is more pliable than feels true." Reading that one sentence made me drop my shoulders and sigh with relief. The utter liberation that mindset provides is immeasurable.
Just scrolling the comments to see if any real life Melvin surfaced 😅 Great piece, I believe when you know, deep down, you aren’t giving your best effort it’s time to dig deeper as to why. Ignoring it causes many wonderful people to waste their potential. Not to mention that living misaligned is extremely draining long term.
The insight into conflicting goals — stay safe or succeed in an unconventional way — is huge. This post reminds of me of How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work: Seven Languages for Transformation by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey. They quote William Perry on responding to people when they ask for help: “I listen very hard and ask myself, What does this person really want — and what will they do to keep from getting it?” Also see https://hbr.org/2001/11/the-real-reason-people-wont-change/ar/1
To me it feels like this skill, or type of courage/conviction, or a combination, is situational. When I worked in kitchens years ago, I was basically fearless. While I heard Melvin very clearly in my head multiple times a day, I always chose to ignore the voice, the fear. As soon as I was out of the kitchen, I didn't stand a chance. Something about the tempo, the now-ness of the environment.
This reminds me of an experience flying this weekend; we'd been briefly rerouted and landed in another airport, taxiied up to a terminal, and were almost instantly cleared to go back out. Some folks scuffled with the staff, until the captain spoke over the comm -- "We are not holding you, but please, stay on the plane, and we can all get where we're going". Then a flight attendant picked it up, "I just want to make sure everyone is voluntarily staying on, and know you're free to go, but you cannot get back on" and repeated a couple of those phrases half a dozen times. It struck me then - these are all corporate risk-management scripts regurgitating themselves. They are emphatically not trying to actually connect to a human, they are a Corporation minimizing its liability -- and now I have an even better, personal word for it. They were Melvining! I'd never speak that way to a friend, and I shouldn't think that way about myself, either
Oh this is brilliant! And so effectively and creatively written, conveying tough and actually abstract concepts so well. I am facing a Few situations where my Melvin is running the show, but this is why good writers rule!! Cheers 🥹
I love your POVs. Your articles always confirm the reality that we are WAAAY too concerned about what others think. We have got to go after we what we want without thinking about whether this is the "normal" way to get it done and whether someone will disapprove. I needed this today because I have been trying to accomplish something for 3 years and spent thousands of $$. All attempts failed. Then a few weeks ago I got an idea to try. I hesitated. I prayed. I was like Gideon in Judges chp. 6, asking God to confirm by drying the fleece, then wetting the fleece. On Friday I finally took the first step and saw favorable results. I kept taking steps up to Tuesday and no results were as robust as Friday's. So today, Wednesday, I needed to hear, "Keep going."
I ordered and am eagerly anticipating the book. I am a FAN!
“Your timid self wants to be left alone in its cozy little blame free corner.”
That’s the line. This entire piece is really about how often people confuse being reasonable with being afraid. Melvin isn’t laziness it’s self protection disguised as practicality.
How do you think about the ethics of using a somewhat common person’s name as your archetypical “thinking doldrum”? This nominative assignment comes up frequently in pop culture (Karen being the big example), and it often seems costly to me compared to, eg, inventing a new, made-up name that fits the feeling of what you’re going for.
(Honest question, not judgment posing as curiosity)
This reminds me of "wake up and live" by Dorothea Brande. To spoil it, the core thrust is "act as if it's impossible to fail". As she describes at length, it's surprisingly effective. I read the book up until she drops that and then stopped reading 😅 in part cause I was reading as procrastination and then stopped reading and started working
For me, it makes my mind immediately go "erm actually it's very possible to fail for reasons x, y, z". But then I think "well if it was impossible to fail I would have to solve or dodge x/y/z" and it gets me brainstorming on how to do that if it's complicated. Or if x is something like "i could fail if I just don't start typing right now", it somehow breaks me out of the funk of knowing what to do but not knowing how to start. I think it might reframe it from "typing right now seems lame and boring and I'd rather do a, b, or c" to "not typing is making me fail, so I'd rather get started"
Love this!
A big reason I don't pursue all of the possible options is that I am afraid of the moment when I'll bump into a true rejection, failure, or shortcoming. As a writer with a very small audience, I have a hard time doing some of the things that would potentially expand my audience because - on some level - I know that my work also has to improve. I can't just write a bunch of notes or share my posts to Facebook. I also have to actually become a better writer.
"Melvin" is to protect from this experience: https://www.instagram.com/p/BTJ2bkRA1hq/ , the meme where the pink blob tries to leave their box, gets punched, and goes back in their box to vow "Never again".
Have that happen to you enough, then Melvin starts to seem *real* attractive. "Safety without getting punched" seems better to them than just a *chance* that they might wildly succeed. True you won't ever wildly succeed if you take no chances. But the near-guarantee of getting punched hurts them a lot.
How do they learn to take a punch?
Love this. Funny enough, Melvin seems to be disproportionately rewarded in the corporate world, at least in my sector. The boxes being ticked and the protocol being followed is the most important thing, effective or not (and oftentimes, they're not). Not to blame the corporate world; I get why it's like this, but whether it should is a different story.
"Take it on faith that the world is more pliable than feels true." Reading that one sentence made me drop my shoulders and sigh with relief. The utter liberation that mindset provides is immeasurable.
Just scrolling the comments to see if any real life Melvin surfaced 😅 Great piece, I believe when you know, deep down, you aren’t giving your best effort it’s time to dig deeper as to why. Ignoring it causes many wonderful people to waste their potential. Not to mention that living misaligned is extremely draining long term.
The insight into conflicting goals — stay safe or succeed in an unconventional way — is huge. This post reminds of me of How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work: Seven Languages for Transformation by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey. They quote William Perry on responding to people when they ask for help: “I listen very hard and ask myself, What does this person really want — and what will they do to keep from getting it?” Also see https://hbr.org/2001/11/the-real-reason-people-wont-change/ar/1
To me it feels like this skill, or type of courage/conviction, or a combination, is situational. When I worked in kitchens years ago, I was basically fearless. While I heard Melvin very clearly in my head multiple times a day, I always chose to ignore the voice, the fear. As soon as I was out of the kitchen, I didn't stand a chance. Something about the tempo, the now-ness of the environment.
This reminds me of an experience flying this weekend; we'd been briefly rerouted and landed in another airport, taxiied up to a terminal, and were almost instantly cleared to go back out. Some folks scuffled with the staff, until the captain spoke over the comm -- "We are not holding you, but please, stay on the plane, and we can all get where we're going". Then a flight attendant picked it up, "I just want to make sure everyone is voluntarily staying on, and know you're free to go, but you cannot get back on" and repeated a couple of those phrases half a dozen times. It struck me then - these are all corporate risk-management scripts regurgitating themselves. They are emphatically not trying to actually connect to a human, they are a Corporation minimizing its liability -- and now I have an even better, personal word for it. They were Melvining! I'd never speak that way to a friend, and I shouldn't think that way about myself, either
Oh this is brilliant! And so effectively and creatively written, conveying tough and actually abstract concepts so well. I am facing a Few situations where my Melvin is running the show, but this is why good writers rule!! Cheers 🥹
Love this so much!!
I love your POVs. Your articles always confirm the reality that we are WAAAY too concerned about what others think. We have got to go after we what we want without thinking about whether this is the "normal" way to get it done and whether someone will disapprove. I needed this today because I have been trying to accomplish something for 3 years and spent thousands of $$. All attempts failed. Then a few weeks ago I got an idea to try. I hesitated. I prayed. I was like Gideon in Judges chp. 6, asking God to confirm by drying the fleece, then wetting the fleece. On Friday I finally took the first step and saw favorable results. I kept taking steps up to Tuesday and no results were as robust as Friday's. So today, Wednesday, I needed to hear, "Keep going."
I ordered and am eagerly anticipating the book. I am a FAN!
“Your timid self wants to be left alone in its cozy little blame free corner.”
That’s the line. This entire piece is really about how often people confuse being reasonable with being afraid. Melvin isn’t laziness it’s self protection disguised as practicality.
How do you think about the ethics of using a somewhat common person’s name as your archetypical “thinking doldrum”? This nominative assignment comes up frequently in pop culture (Karen being the big example), and it often seems costly to me compared to, eg, inventing a new, made-up name that fits the feeling of what you’re going for.
(Honest question, not judgment posing as curiosity)
I live by this philosophy as a founder, and it can get you very far in life 😁